February 11, 2009
 
 
Two years have now passed since Jake’s injury.  I should close up this website and move on, but I can’t.  I often think I need to update Jake’s progress, but can’t find it in myself to put things in print that I can’t even face in my heart.
 
It hasn’t been an easy 2 years. There have been times that I felt I had more hope for Jake’s outcome while he was in a coma, on a ventilator in the hospital, than I do in his present condition.  Head injuries are nasty… insidious…subtle….and vile.  To look at Jake, one would never know that Jake has suffered a critical traumatic brain injury.  He looks like Jake. He talks like Jake.  But there are differences.
 
Decision making has been questionable.  Strategizing skills are flawed.  Jake’s personality is different.  There have been times that I haven’t recognized my own son.  He has gone through anger, depression, frustration, lack of motivation, lack of concern for himself or his family.  Devil-may-care…..Devil may win... (And sometimes has…)
 
I have tried to put on my Pollyanna glasses and see everything in the most positive light.  My God… Jake could so easily have died two years ago … or been left with severe physical deficits.  We are so lucky.  The deficits Jake has are not physical.  Yes, he has visible scars that serve as a living reminder of a trip around the parking lot pulled on a toboggan behind a pick up truck…but, those scars don’t hold him back.  Jake’s deficits are unseen, intangible, but so very obvious to a Mom who has watched a bright, motivated son’s journey become derailed by a head injury and it’s aftermath.
 
School has been a struggle.  Jake hasn’t been able to focus on his classes and has been overwhelmed by the content.  The Neuropsychologist told has that Jake qualifies to be labeled a “disabled student.”  This is quite a shock.  Jake was a 4.0 high school student… how can he struggle so now?  Again, I am looking for the positive and seeing that just that term, relieves some of the pressure.  Jake is taking 2 classes this Spring Semester and is actually enjoying them.  …Well, by “enjoying them” I should say, in Jake’s words, “the classes aren’t that bad.”  He is determined to do well and get his life back on track.  Do I hear “Halleluiah?”  You bet!
 
Baseball, my love… my hope… one of my strongest prides for Jake…is over.  Jake no longer has the desire to play.  I see that as a waste of talent, but it’s not worth holding on to the wish that I could even see Jake play on a college baseball team, much less in the big leagues.  That was a dream, maybe mine more than his.
 
As bad as 2007 was, I would have to say that 2008 has been difficult.  Many parts of 2008, I would like to wipe from the calendar.  My biggest feeling of self guilt stems from the fact that I never sought the recommended therapy for Jake when I was told to do so right after his injury.  This is the subtle, insidious part of a head injury.  On the outside, Jake looks fine.  One would never look beyond that mask of normalcy.  On the inside, I didn’t recognize or acknowledge the personality changes in Jake. 
 
Jake has now been evaluated by a neuropsychologist who helped us to see the effects of Jake’s brain injury.  The positive that has come from this is accepting that Jake’s post brain injury differences… are just that… differences.  Just because Jake is not exactly the Jake we had before the injury, doesn’t mean that Jake is not “our Jake.”  Differences are OK. We just have to accept those changes. Musically, Jake has grown.  Jake has always loved music, but now it is a constant part of his life.  The piano keys are soothing. The drum sticks release his pent up musical energy and even his momentary frustrations.  It helps him to organize his life. Jake's passion for music has turned into an obsession, and thankfully he has unlimited talent to fuel that passion.  Our garage is filled with music. Jake's head is filled with ideas. His mind spills over with new tunes, new tracks, and an incredible determination to make it big in the music world.  And though I may sound like a doting Mom….I have to say that Jake is really good. His music is wonderful. It is a cross between Jazz, Rock, and a hint of the Classics.  At least, that is what my untrained ear hears.  I don’t hear heavy metal, rap, or hard rock….that’s all I need to know.  
 
In April 2008 I was asked to speak at a Critical Care Conference hosted by Mercy Hospital at the Bahia Hotel.  I gave a power point presentation chronicling Jake’s injury and his recovery.  It was well received and from that presentation, my name was sent to “Critical Connections” magazine as a person to interview concerning how it felt to be an RN, having my own son in someone else’s care in the ICU.  When I contacted the publisher, I told her that I have over 30 years experience as a Pediatric nurse, but when my own son was critically injured, all that nursing experience went out the window and I could only focus on being a mom.  I had a perspective from both sides of the IV pole and was willing to share that point of view.  In December 2008, the Critical Connections article came out… “The Other Side of the IV Pole.” Included here is the link to that article.  I am humbled to share our story with others and hope it will help others in a similar situation. 
 
Download the article by clicking here!
 
My mother, who suffered a stroke not two months after Jake’s Traumatic Brain Injury…turned 90 years old on February 5th, 2009.  She is still living at home, only through the determination of her “tag team” kids who keep her there by taking turns caring for her.  Again... Brain Injuries… are mean, insidious, deceptive and totally unfair. 
 
Max has grown so much since Jake was injured.  He is now almost 6’4” tall and won’t be 15 years old until February 25th.  He is a freshman at Helix and is mirroring Jake’s freshman year.  Max played on the UNDEFEATED Freshman Football Team, all the while marching in the Helix Marching Band. This semester he is playing on the Freshman Basketball Team and playing Winter Baseball in preparation for Spring Baseball.  AND he has a 4.2 GPA.  Max is such a responsible, self directed young man. And he has a great sense of humor.  Max has been such a source of joy through everything.  My back burner kid is stepping to the forefront and even Jake is enjoying his brother.
 
www.jakedrew.com will be up and running for at least another year.  Hopefully I will be able to share more positives as this 2009 year progresses.  We have lived our lives hanging by our toenails from the back car on a roller coaster for 2 years now.  Even so, we have so much to be thankful for.  We’ve had setbacks, but seem to be back on the right path again.  I’d so much prefer a monotonous Merry-Go-Round ride.
 
      ….me….alison…..Jake’s mom